And the present moment always radicalises everything

And the present moment always radicalises everything
Chris Kraus,

New writer crushes. What am I doing with my days? Reading, reading.
My head, is that a real place?
The best answer to a social media poll – Which book has influenced you the most?: ‘The last book I read’.

A lot of the time in my head is spent listening to mean voices that say I am not good enough, and no matter how many self-help books I read, the voices stay.
This is normal, I have come to think. It is also an extreme waste of time.

It’s Beltane here in the south, fertile growth, dancing over the fire, burning the past.
God meets Goddess and they make sweet love. The weeds in my garden tell their passionate story, lush green rampant.

Female subjectivity. I find myself still in thrall to ideas of objectivity, of the view from the outside. I am so angry and depressed about the state of things, and so undermining of my own power.

Chris Kraus* and Charlotte Du Cann* are radical ladies. I feel unsure about my use of the word ladies here, there’s a cuteness that maybe doesn’t suit them. I reclaim ‘ladies’ in my everyday speech, but once a boss of mine wrote an email to three female colleagues and called us ‘ladies’ and it seemed gross in print, said by a man. I guess it’s like the n-word and complaining about your mother. It’s depends on ownership, the reclamation of a putdown.

I have been embracing steadiness, but my gypsy self is starting to get antsy. Summer’s coming, I want a roadtrip.



* Yay, affiliate links – buy, buy!


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